In his most excellent memoir On Writing, the venerable Stephen King wrote, “Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don’t have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.”
In this section he talks about how, during the early days of writing his breakthrough novel Carrie, he’d gotten frustrated with the character and threw the manuscript pages in the circular file. His wife Tabitha found these pages while cleaning up and rescued them from the trash.
Both Stephen and Tabitha were writers, English teachers, and, most importantly, kindred souls. They understood one another as well as one another’s needs. Throughout On Writing, King dotes on his wife and it’s apparent that he loves her very much.
I would love to have something like that. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening in the near future.
You see, since writing is my passion, I pursue it with a zeal and passion unreserved for anything else. And since I have a day job, which consumes roughly ten hours of my day, I’m left with precious little time for anything else. Sacrifices must be made. So I sacrifice sleep. I sometimes sacrifice my social agenda. And I sacrifice all hopes of ever having some kind of love life.
I’ve always known this would be the case, though. Whenever I get deep into a project, whether it’s a novel or screenplay or even a series of blog posts, I shut everyone and everything else out. I concentrate solely on what I am working on. As you can imagine, in the case of a novel (such as GUESTLIST) that can be years, son.
While that may be great in creating the next Essence Magazine best seller, it’s not really good for relationships. And over the past few years, I recognize that I’ve lost quite a few opportunities due to my willingness to put writing over women.
Will I ever find myself in a meaningful relationship? Will I ever meet a woman who will understand the weird ways in which my mind works? Will I ever be able to devote myself to a woman as much as I do to my craft, and to sustain our budding connection? Right now, I don’t know. I’d like to think that I’d one day be involved and have kids and all that good stuff. But the reality is, I just don’t know if I’m built for that.
What say you, Dear Readers? Any advice? Can I hear from my fellow creatives in relationships? You don’t have to be a writer — musicians, artists, filmmakers, whoever, let me hear from you. How do you make time for your significant others? How do you make it work? Holler at me, give me tips, share your opinions in the comments below.
It can happen you just have to be willing to commit to creating a whole that is greater than you. The journey to creating that whole will entail sacrifice. Sacrificing some of your writing time to devout to a significant other, to grow and nurture a relationship is essential. Its obvious you know how to commit its justwhat you choose to commit to. There is a mature woman out there who is willing to accommodate your schedule and give you space to do your thing. You just can’t be too busy writing to find her. ask yourself what will be more important in ten years the fact that you wrote three best sellers or that you were abe to share that success with your wife and kids. For me sharing the successes and leaving a legacy for my kids and grand kids drives me. I have slowed down to foster my relationship and don’t regret it at all!
Hey Regina! Tks for the response!
I hear you, and you’re right, I guess I do know that I’ll need to sacrifice some of my writing time … I don’t know, there’s also a a few other factors at play, I think. While there’s no shortage of smart and beautiful women around me, none of them really stimulate me enough to make that sort of commitment. I guess that’s why it’s been easier to focus solely on writing than to pursue any kind of relationship. And the few women that did interest me enough didn’t sustain that interest for very long. I don’t know if that’s on me or on them, though, haha.
I also wonder, will I even have the time to continue writing once I’m in a relationship or have a family? Can I truly afford to have either unless I write three best sellers and find financial stability? So many questions, so many dilemmas … man, being a grown-up is no fun at all.
Again, tks for your post and your insight. I truly appreciate it.
I hear you 100% on the reason why you haven’t committed. I have had that same dilemma. I have even erroneously committed with lack of true stimulation (ahh youth) when the other person damn sure wasn’t worthy. I am confident that as long as you don’t get involved with a dream buster you will still have time to write. As a matter of fact, the right woman will encourage you to write because that is what attracted her to you! Now waiting for the financial stability to have a family and kids is a quandary because I believe once you have a family you will be motivated and driven by mere obligation to provide for that whole that is greater than you and thus the $$$ will flow in. In short, give up the life of a bachelor who needs little to survive and aspire to greater and you will be provided for.
Anyone who knows me knows I am passionate about traveling, photography and running as my hobbies. I recently sent out a txt to three different guys who have expressed interest in me that I have dealt with on some level in the last few years. The txt simply read, “I want to travel to every continent, run a 5k and take beautiful pictures while I am there”.
The three responses where as follows:
KP “have fun. See you when you get back”
GJ “When are we leaving”
CQ “Ok”
Two of the guys have openly expressed a desire to “be all in” (translation in my 35 yo mind: have sex). It’s ironic that the one guy who hasn’t asked me “to be all in” is more all in in his head and heart then the two who say it out of their mouths! Since that txt msg I have told CQ it just wouldn’t work out and reaffirmed with KP that all we could ever be is friends GJa nd I are planning a trip for Labor Day! The initials used where not intended to hide the identity of the accused , lol!
Albeit simplistic that text msg helped me determine where I shouldn’t be wasting my limited and valuable free time (away from video production). I hope this sheds some insight on finding someone who will sustain your interest.