Jane Eyre, Sherlock Holmes, Other Classics Get Fifty Shades Treatment

Damn you, E.L. James.

That’s right — we can blame the Fifty Shades of Grey author for this one. A handful of classics are getting sexed up worse than Anastasia Steele. According to The Hollywood Reporter, publisher Clandestine Classics is making all the sex hinted at in such classics as Jane Eyre, Pride & Prejudice, and, yes, Sherlock Holmes explicit.

The publisher says, “The old-fashioned pleasantries and timidity have all been stripped away, quite literally. You didn’t really think that these much-loved characters only held hands and pecked cheeks, did you? Come with us as we embark on a breathtaking experience — behind the closed bedroom doors of our favorite, most-beloved British characters. Learn what Sherlock really thought of Watson, what Mr. Darcy really wanted to do to Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and unveil the sexy escapades of Mr. Rochester and Jane Eyre. We’ll show you the scenes that you always wanted to see but were never allowed.”

Claire Siemaszkiewicz, founder of Clandestine’s parent company Total-E-Bound Publishing, stated in an interview that they are “keeping the original prose and the author’s voice [but] want to enhance the novels by adding the ‘missing’ scenes for readers to enjoy.”

Sexed up versions of five classic novels will be released as ebooks on July 30: Pride & Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Sherlock Holmes: A Study in Scarlet, Northanger Abbey and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

Wait, what?

“People are going to either love it or hate it,” said Siemaszkiewicz. “But we’re 100 percent convinced that there’s a market there.”

I know which side of the fence I’m on. I think this is needless and silly, just an excuse to cash in on the so-called “mommy porn” phenomenon and apply it to works which need no enhancement. But hey, what do I know? Give me your opinion on this in the comments below!

[The Hollywood Reporter]

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